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Andy sighed as he curled up in his bed, the blinds drawn and his covers pulled up over him. He held his oldest teddy bear close, trying not to feel so alone. He'd opened himself up too much. He couldn't stop hurting.
The problem was figuring out how to cope. Lucian was rediculously stubborn and Andy would have to come to terms with the fact that he'd really never be the same. But that went against everything he ever learned... well, everything he taught. Everything the school stood for.
Andy wished he could talk to Gotzon, but he was busy, and Andy already felt like he was being too needy. Well... and the fact that Andy was scared that he'd end up feeling the same as Lucian. It was easier to push people away. Books were easy. No matter how many times you read the same book it would be exactly the same.
But that wasn't the way with humans. They were constantly changing their minds for one reason or another. He couldn't be sure of anything when it came to relationships, and it scared the hell out of him. Maybe things were better if he wasn't involved. He could just go back to being the cold Phoenix and shut people out. It would be harder, knowing exactly what he would be losing. But that would be best for everybody, right?
He whined, covering his head with his blankets and pulling more of his stuffed animals toward himself, almost like he was making a cucoon. He pulled his knees toward his chest, blinking back tears. He knew he was fooling himself pretending like he could just go back to being the cold headmaster he was before. But the problem was...
He didn't even know who he was anymore.
The problem was figuring out how to cope. Lucian was rediculously stubborn and Andy would have to come to terms with the fact that he'd really never be the same. But that went against everything he ever learned... well, everything he taught. Everything the school stood for.
Andy wished he could talk to Gotzon, but he was busy, and Andy already felt like he was being too needy. Well... and the fact that Andy was scared that he'd end up feeling the same as Lucian. It was easier to push people away. Books were easy. No matter how many times you read the same book it would be exactly the same.
But that wasn't the way with humans. They were constantly changing their minds for one reason or another. He couldn't be sure of anything when it came to relationships, and it scared the hell out of him. Maybe things were better if he wasn't involved. He could just go back to being the cold Phoenix and shut people out. It would be harder, knowing exactly what he would be losing. But that would be best for everybody, right?
He whined, covering his head with his blankets and pulling more of his stuffed animals toward himself, almost like he was making a cucoon. He pulled his knees toward his chest, blinking back tears. He knew he was fooling himself pretending like he could just go back to being the cold headmaster he was before. But the problem was...
He didn't even know who he was anymore.
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OTL Andy is super confused and depressed. This was just kind of a venting thingy for Andy, but if somebody wants to turn it into an RP with me I'd be open to it. Of course in the state Andy is in he'd probably only respond to Gotzon, Lucian, or some of my characters XD haha
Anyway. That's all. >.>
Anyway. That's all. >.> © 2014 - 2024 Ephira
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Ephira
Gotzon left without another word, slamming the door behind him. He walked quickly back to his office, not wanting any passerby to witness his rage.
He walked in and shut the door behind him, leaning against it and closing his eyes.
He's such a...such a child. How did he ever make it this far without seeing how the world really works? Gotzon thought, going to his desk and sitting in his chair. He slouched against the back, defeated.
Gotzon left without another word, slamming the door behind him. He walked quickly back to his office, not wanting any passerby to witness his rage.
He walked in and shut the door behind him, leaning against it and closing his eyes.
He's such a...such a child. How did he ever make it this far without seeing how the world really works? Gotzon thought, going to his desk and sitting in his chair. He slouched against the back, defeated.